I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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