Porn is love you can see.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
