Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
