Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could fuck to npr.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
