she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
