I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
