miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
