I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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