My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
