I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
