she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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