I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
