her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
