dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His hands were made for my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
