Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
