yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
