my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
