That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
