found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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