"it" just moved
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
