What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
