Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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