I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
