dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
