Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
