i was born a porn star she said
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
