Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
