Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
