I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
