I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
