WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
