Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
