Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
