And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need water and some morals
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
