My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
