im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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