they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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