dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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