Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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