I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
