I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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