Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love accidental penises.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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