im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's paper in my vomit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
