nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
