Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
