how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
