Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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