I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
