ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
