Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
