I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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