I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
